tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56728556327081253682011-11-27T15:59:11.537-08:00Caleb's Mom Talks Autism is all about life with my son. He is 25 and autistic. He does not have Asperger's. He is not a little autistic. He is very much autistic. His autism colors the lives of everyone in our family. I have to a lot to say on the unique experiences and many emotions Caleb brings to my life. This blog is my outlet.Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.comBlogger321100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-86618689068593714102011-03-29T21:51:00.000-07:002011-03-29T21:51:28.362-07:00

I'm literally in shock that almost one year has passed since I posted here. That's a shame, because so much has happened in that time. When I look back, I mostly see a lot of driving and getting burgers, since that is what Caleb enjoys. But I have to say, my favorite memory of this long absent time, is sitting on our farm porch with Caleb, seeing his calm, and then my most recent favorite one is

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-12476455197368457382010-04-19T09:01:00.000-07:002010-04-19T22:20:43.590-07:00

When you were younger, around seven and eight I think, I pushed you in a tire swing for hours on end. You adored the swing, that and moving little cars about in the mud. It seemed the ground in your favorite area was always muddy because you liked to turn on the water hose. You liked to spray me, all of us, with water. We laughed. I changed clothes a lot. Because I thought that all of the time I

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-77802447940636281512010-03-24T11:18:00.000-07:002010-03-24T11:54:25.711-07:00

Even if the best I can hope for seems small to the whole world, it's worth the world to me. I'm talking about Caleb's genuine smile and the way he marches when really happy. Last Sunday, we shared a picnic in the wind. How he enjoyed that wind! Later, in his room, his smile faded and he headed for the dayroom couch. It's a comfort zone for him, and where he goes to relax. He tucks his face into

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-92080789119237834992010-02-19T06:47:00.000-08:002010-02-19T07:01:44.064-08:00

Some Good Foods for people suffering from G.I. ailments, ADD, ADHD, and/or Autism:Apple wedges or celery sticks topped with natural peanut butter and raisins - Fun, healthy and filling; protein and vitaminsOranges - energizing; good vitamin CGluten-free stuff you can get frozen or make yourself - bread, breadsticks, chicken nuggets, muffins - GLUTEN FREE!Berries - energizing; cleansingBananas -

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-34307425798139817162010-02-12T07:14:00.000-08:002010-02-12T08:10:10.732-08:00

Alright, now it's time to own up. I came home from the job in Brenham. I've all sorts of reasons for only working there for two months. The closest thing I can figure to the deepest truth is this: lack of what it takes to be that close to him and feel I'm not helping. I've never felt my heart break anywhere near in comparison to the day I heard my dear friend Toby say "autism," in reference to

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-52808875704065878362009-10-26T09:03:00.000-07:002009-10-26T10:01:38.331-07:00

Next Monday is the first day of the rest of my life. Four years ago I set my nursing career aside. Three years on the job and that would be it. Although I loved the patients, I felt I was too type B to ever truly succeed in the field. I just wanted to smooth fevered brows, rub tired muscles and listen to the stories my patients wanted to tell. What with all the running here and there and charting

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-45921239093631261462009-08-22T08:34:00.000-07:002009-08-22T09:06:41.516-07:00

Caleb is very skinny these days. Not sure why. Everything falls off of him. Today we will visit and I pray that he looks better. At one point he was noticably overweight and this was due to medications, which was also worrisome. Since the stint at Austin, he is on barely any meds at all. With this med reduction, I have noticed some regression as far as language use and level of compulsion. I pray

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-60228311587467366072009-06-03T07:45:00.000-07:002009-06-03T08:05:04.923-07:00

It's been a while, but a son in the state mental hospital is a daunting experience. I can only speak for myself, of course, so that is what I do.Tuesday's visit: a fair amount of pacing; great smiles; a banana inhaled; coloring; leaning his cheek to my face, then the other cheek, several times, for one more kiss; at the end, he listened to my story reading and fell soundly asleep. The drive to

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-70353013989708418032009-04-11T14:30:00.000-07:002009-04-11T14:47:35.144-07:00

Well, it seems March just poofed by and here we are in the middle of April. I think that is because March was sort of horrendous for Caleb. He visited the ER for twelve stitches in his head and has broken those stiches apart a few times since then. He is now wearing a helmet and big, puffy mitts on his hands. My last two visits were not so great, because I generally depend heavily on an itinerary

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-45135259895995338932009-02-08T19:00:00.000-08:002009-02-08T19:03:29.763-08:00

My visit with Caleb was sweet and odd. He was very sleepy and kept sleeping and waking up periodically to look at me and smile and wrap his arm tighter around my arm, smell my hand, and pull my arm and hand to his chest. Then he would go straight back to sleep. Other than that I just sang to him, talked to him, prayed for him, and gently massaged his arms, touched his face and hair—all while

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-18080736539339376182009-02-04T07:57:00.000-08:002009-02-04T08:15:47.602-08:00

Valentine's Day will soon be here. I'm reminded of one of my favorite Valentines. I have a picture, but it's part of a collage now, hanging on my office wall. Caleb had just turned four, so it's 1988. He wears a paper crown which I think was decorated by his brother and sister. Of course, the crown has red and pink hearts and cute designs all over it. He also wears a soft,checked, red, white and

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-31789392476062129832009-01-12T11:05:00.000-08:002009-01-12T11:32:28.068-08:00

Yesterday we played cards, smiled, laughed, held hands, smelled hands, read books, colored, chewed gum, shared a snack, took a car ride, hugged. Yesterday, for two hours and change, I forgot everything in the world but you. I love you so much and am unable to help you out of your seemingly sad existence. Some people say you are happier than I imagine, because your mind works on a different plane.

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-63867177020954420512008-11-29T12:18:00.000-08:002008-11-29T12:27:14.337-08:00

Caleb had a home visit with his dad over Thanksgiving. In a photo, Caleb sits with his legs crossed and appears relaxed, reading a book in his favorite chair. He looks happy. This makes me smile. Every little thing in life matters—sometimes so much more than the big stuff.What is your big stuff?Does it really matter so much?Try making a glance at a loved one turn into a meaningful gaze. If this

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-34630658761701652692008-11-02T05:02:00.000-08:002008-11-05T09:47:25.186-08:00

A Poem for CalebTromping through coastal grass and brambles, I overlook flood plain, mineral rights and agricultural exemption. In the spider's dewy web and butterfly's dance, in the cool green/brown air, I search for a trail to walk with you. We will sit on the porch of a wooden house at nighttime. Do you hear the rain on the tin roof? Do you taste the roasted marshmallows of Summer and Fall?

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-5872612428909960882008-10-16T09:06:00.000-07:002008-10-16T09:09:29.619-07:00

My daughter just sent me a you tube video of a down syndrome girl who became homecoming queen. I usually shy far away from success stories about such. I forced myself to watch and predictably, the tears fell. When will I ever stop believing I've failed, and continue to fail, as Caleb's mother? I do not know the answer to that question. I only know my heart is broken.

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-3675773104901125772008-09-24T08:59:00.000-07:002008-09-24T09:27:23.703-07:00

My Dear Caleb,I so enjoyed seeing you on Saturday. Holding your hand, you touching my face, walking in the park. With you it's almost like time stands still. We do the same things we did when you were small only now you dwarf me when we lie next to one another for stories. XXX

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-84095827648521463722008-07-15T11:34:00.000-07:002008-07-15T11:48:20.940-07:00

My Dear Caleb,I can't wait to see you on Sunday. I pray that you are doing well. I pray for your peace, for friends who listen and who love you. I pray for important people in your life, like teachers and helpers who care. I pray for the day that you and I will have a long conversation over a cup of tea. We will laugh and talk about everything under the sun, and then some. This day is coming,

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-84309879399967782492008-06-19T10:08:00.000-07:002008-06-19T10:20:41.188-07:00

Well, things aren't going so well again. My dear Caleb has a terrible abrasion on his forehead from banging it on the concrete last Saturday. Apparently, he did something close to the same thing the next day, furthering the damage. And now they say he's picking the area like crazy, so healing comes hard.My thoughts right now take me back to the days we first discovered Caleb's plight and the

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-33932308093041951942008-06-08T21:58:00.000-07:002008-06-08T22:23:37.125-07:00

Is it possible to be the most devastated and the most deliriously happy person on the planet at the same time? Many people regularly alternate super highs and dark, dark, lows. These people are called bi-polar. But I'm talking about experiencing these very real emotions simultaneously.This phenomenon has occurred in my brain before, and happens just about every time I see Caleb actually, so today

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-24486662535575863232008-06-02T08:11:00.000-07:002008-06-02T08:17:22.165-07:00

Hi Caleb and God,Caleb, why are you so sleepy? And why did you pinch your dad yesterday? Please, God --- Here is my prayer --- let Caleb somehow tell us the answers to these questions. And also what it feels like to be him, what he wants and needs and loves and hates.I know you want to communicate Caleb. I want to understand. Love, MamaI know you want to help us God. I know you have a good plan

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-50478217277594319722008-05-28T08:14:00.000-07:002008-05-28T08:26:15.468-07:00

On Sunday, Caleb was sound asleep when I visited—for the entire visit. I did everything, shy of pouring ice water on his head, to wake him up. At one point, I think he saw me. Dan was there and he swears Caleb's eyes opened just a slit at the same time he smiled. I thought that was him smiling in a dream. After that though, he did rest his arm on my leg and I felt he knew I was with him. Why

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-74409857238898314592008-05-12T16:16:00.000-07:002008-05-19T09:21:15.393-07:00

I got to see my sweetheart, finally, after three weeks. Here he is at Brenham State School. Compare to the photo before the move (April 4th post). He is happy.

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-32024578013773924322008-05-09T09:51:00.000-07:002008-05-09T09:56:32.524-07:00

Those words are priceless to me from Caleb. Our conversations are brief - only six more words - I say I love you and he says it back. It's the tone I listen for. I see his face. He smiled the other day. When his caregiver came back to the phone I said I knew he had smiled. She confirmed."Yes, right now he is laughing and slapping his leg. He seems happy."Exactly what a temporarily banished mom

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-88592539880407803322008-04-26T14:04:00.000-07:002008-04-26T14:20:29.707-07:00

There are some wonderful people in Caleb's new world. Mary and Susan, the full-time, on-campus nurses actually working with me by giving Caleb the supplements I've tried for so long to get caregivers to give, and who Caleb seems to like already; Marilyn, the speech therapist doing her darndest to capture an assessment; then there's Shawn, Kim, Detrick, Debra, the doctors, the physical therapist I

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-57208499749265754362008-04-19T10:38:00.000-07:002008-04-19T11:02:04.740-07:00

One thing worried me and that worry was obliterated by one Caleb smile.When I first visited Brenham State School, to check it out as an option, I liked everything I saw except that opening at the top of the wall partition between two bedrooms. Well, that and a possibility for two roommates when he was used to privacy and quiet.Last Wednesday, April 16, 2008, Caleb was admitted to BSS for some

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-62512552334274376392008-04-12T15:35:00.000-07:002008-04-19T11:04:06.982-07:00

In general, I find autism conferences uncomfortable. Tearing up usually happens to me at those conferences, and I'd rather do that at home. There always seems to be something going on at the time and some word spoken, which serves as a trigger for accidental public emotional response. This explains why I waited until the very last minute to decide about today's Applied Behavioral Analysis

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-43407389536410495112008-04-11T18:08:00.000-07:002008-05-19T11:27:23.136-07:00

Good Things Today:1. Held your hand.2. Four smiles.3. Two hugs.4. Seeing you lay the cheese on your sandwich and so specifically fold it over.5. You ate your food calmly.6. You sat on the couch and looked at magazines.7. You didn't pick your wounds. Very great.8. Knowing next Wednesday begins a whole new plan.Made Mom Blue Today:1. When you drank the carton of coffee creamer.2. Pushing/pulling me

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-14327873036435050422008-04-04T09:03:00.000-07:002008-04-04T09:11:03.798-07:00

This photo was taken two nights ago, by Caleb's father. The two of them stayed in Ben Taub E.R. until close to four a.m. and then left without a C.T. scan (for head trauma) because massive amounts of drugs did not effect Caleb enough to allow the scan.

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-39836715880767822722008-04-04T07:53:00.000-07:002008-04-04T08:43:19.894-07:00

The Bible says we will have tribulation in this crazy world. I would say my family is there right about now. The past few days have been a rollercoaster ride of E.R. visits, Dr. appts, wall slams, head butts, pinches, slugs, sleepless nights, and bites. In between all that there have been wonderful hugs and looks of prescience from Caleb. (the fleeting I'm-so-in-here-please-help-me-get-out look)

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-11348841671120171792008-04-01T00:34:00.000-07:002008-04-01T00:42:54.548-07:00

Hi Sweetheart,I missed you so much this weekend when I was out of town. I thought of living on a farm with you. Maybe you would like being free to roam the pastures, but then again, maybe you wouldn't like the cows and other animals so much. But you might adjust. One day we may find out. Anyway, I wished you were with me in Fredericksburg the entire time. As I found out tonight, you missed me

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-29566608322886368272008-03-27T21:57:00.000-07:002008-03-27T23:01:48.255-07:00

Tonight I'm not thinking on the rough stuff that happened—Caleb trying to manhandle me outside the house to take him for a car ride; Caleb eating porkchops, macaroni, and spinach by the fistfull; or Caleb peeing a small lake, on the floor next to the toilet—no, I am not. I mean I won't now. I will go to sleep thinking on the beautiful thing that happened. I sat at the table in his room, building

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5672855632708125368.post-24673154003475824432008-03-26T21:12:00.000-07:002008-03-26T21:29:49.105-07:00

Okay, there has to be a first time for all things and this is it. I'll simply state my goal for this blogsite. I want to clear my mind of all the thoughts of my son so that I can sleep at night. I constantly battle worrying over Caleb. He is my youngest child beside my stepdaughter, Laura, who is fifteen, and causes me no angst. Anyway, Caleb is 23 and lives in a group home which is 45 minutes

Caleb's momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10957147209059137813noreply@blogger.com0