Thursday, June 19, 2008


Well, things aren't going so well again. My dear Caleb has a terrible abrasion on his forehead from banging it on the concrete last Saturday. Apparently, he did something close to the same thing the next day, furthering the damage. And now they say he's picking the area like crazy, so healing comes hard.

My thoughts right now take me back to the days we first discovered Caleb's plight and the years following. One day I will go there. As hard as I try right now, it's locked down tight.

Pray for a mother, a father, sisters, a brother—-and for my baby.

Autism affects all.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Is It Possible?

Is it possible to be the most devastated and the most deliriously happy person on the planet at the same time? Many people regularly alternate super highs and dark, dark, lows. These people are called bi-polar. But I'm talking about experiencing these very real emotions simultaneously.

This phenomenon has occurred in my brain before, and happens just about every time I see Caleb actually, so today won't be the first or last time. But today I feel a need to express this while it's fresh and with me still. I think it may be accurate to equate what happens to the way one feels when utterly and completely lovestruck.

What amazing fortune. What a tragic nightmare.

Caleb's smile and a knowing look in his eyes does this to me.

Today we played Monopoly. We have our own version. There are no property deals or trips in and out of jail. What you roll is what you get, in dollars, counted one by one in your hand. With each turn you get a house or a hotel—-whichever you choose. You may place the house or hotel wherever you want on the board.

There are two players only—-the horse and the iron.

Caleb wins.

He smiles.

It's a dream come true.

Monday, June 2, 2008


Hi Caleb and God,

Caleb, why are you so sleepy? And why did you pinch your dad yesterday?

Please, God --- Here is my prayer --- let Caleb somehow tell us the answers to these questions. And also what it feels like to be him, what he wants and needs and loves and hates.

I know you want to communicate Caleb. I want to understand. Love, Mama

I know you want to help us God. I know you have a good plan for Caleb. Don't allow me to stand in the way. Open my eyes, my ears, my heart. Change me and help me. Amen.